Diagrama FoundationJuan and Miguel have been together since December 2014 and married in October 2017. In March 2019 they left their home in Spain to move to the UK and set up home in Kent.
The couple were keen to adopt and set up a meeting with New Family Social www.newfamilysocial.org.uk to see what adoption would be like for a gay couple. New Family Social is a UK charity, led by LGBTQ+ adopters and foster carers. New Family Social exists to help people decide if adoption or fostering is right for them and then offers support on their journey to becoming parents and carers.
“This New Family Social meeting was really helpful as it gave us lots of valuable information as well as sharing the different agencies that they worked with to be as LGBTQ+ inclusive and friendly as possible.
“We wanted to ensure we chose the right people to work with and had several meetings with different agencies. Diagrama was the agency that offered us the most clarity, confidence and was the most familiar to us.
What was the adoption process like?
“We always speak from our experience and our hearts: when you are immersed in the process, you just want to do everything right and for everything to go quickly and without incident, but it is a process in which many people are involved.
“When you start everything seems to go very slowly, the waits for the first online meeting, for the first visit to the Social Worker’s house seem eternal… but we were lucky to always be well accompanied by our Social Worker from Diagrama. They have always been very clear about everything, and most importantly, you have to trust the process, it is the way it is for a reason, do not doubt or think it would be better in another way, it is like this because it works for everyone.
“We had many “difficult” moments because sometimes it is hard to go back to your past and memories that you don’t want to remember, and then talk about them clearly with your Social Worker, but the process helped us so much to understand and heal those old childhood wounds so as not to repeat them with our son.
“Stage 2 was hard at times but it was also very rewarding because it was like letting go of burdens and at the same time becoming stronger as a couple. Honestly, we didn’t expect anything in particular, we didn’t know how the process would be, so we always trusted our Social Worker, and it was the best decision we made. There were no surprises or disappointments, because not knowing how it would be, everything was new to us, and we were so eager to form a family, that we embraced with love each step that came.”
What is the one piece of advice you would have liked before you started the process?
The only advice we would have liked to receive, and that luckily, we received on our Social Worker's first visit, was: “Trust the process, it can be very hard and perhaps long, but remember that everything you do is for your child, everything you do now is to find your child, the one who best matches you, who is out there waiting for you somewhere.”
What does having a son mean to you?
“There are no words to describe how much our whole life has changed and what our child means to us. Being parents is the most wonderful, rewarding and at the same time hardest experience we have ever faced. Sometimes it is not easy, but it is worth it every day. Love reaches a new level never before experienced. When you love someone, you do it from the heart, but our child is part of our heart, everything that hurts him hurts you, and every achievement is an immense joy.
“Your whole life changes, your life as a couple goes to another level, we are no longer “you and me” now we are “us” as a family.
It is important to have good support because sometimes it is necessary. Initially, even if you love your child with your whole being, life is hard, and you need support from family and friends to make you feel like yourself because you stop being yourself at many times to just be a daddy. In the first few months after placement, it's important to create those bonds with your child and create a safe place for them, but we also have to take care of ourselves. We say this because we didn't do it at the beginning. The life changes meant that, Miguel, who was at home and didn’t work for the first 13 months became a bit low for a while. Until we understood that what he needed was to be Miguel again for a while, from that moment on everything changed. Now we are clear that to give the best to our son we have to be the best version of ourselves, and that includes having our own time.
What excites you about the future as a family?
Seeing our son grow up healthy and happy. We love thinking about our future together as every day is a family adventure. It fills us with happiness to see him grow and teach him how to live. Like any parents, we want the best for him and we try to instil good values in him that make him a respectful person who loves the simplest things in life.
What would you say to other people who might be considering fostering or adoption?
It's going to be a tough road at times, and a roller coaster of feelings, but go for it, live and enjoy every moment of the process because it goes by quickly, even if it doesn't seem like it. Read a lot and get informed about possible childhood traumas, it will help you to understand your child and what may be going through his mind. When you least expect it, you will be enjoying the company of a wonderful child, with good moments and others not so good, but it will always be worth it. And if it is going to be your first child, rest now while you can, because life will be very busy but wonderful!
